Its 2:30 am and I'm exhausted but unfortunately I like to think, and thinking about next year stresses me out! haha funny to think this started out as an e-mail to a friend. I promised I'd write her long e-mails about the boring details of my day... but somehow I remembered my "political" blog..... well it was a phase, I guess the phase I'm in right now is, well, college.
Back to topic, oh yes, I was thinking, mostly about next year. You know, ever since I was in ninth grade I was looking forward to graduating, going to college, graduating from that, working, proving myself. I graduated from school, but I can't make my mind up about college. I wanna stay at royal holloway and change my degree to management with accounting and finance, I wanna go to LSE and do management and finance, I want to go to AUC and do pure finance and accounting. Well at least I'm consistent in the major! Oh I forgot, I want to study law.... Contracting, and marine time law.... But I don't want to be a lawyer.... Journalist! Or given how much I love house and grey's I'm thinking of medicine! Imagine a lawyer/doctor/accountant/philanthropist/CEO/journalist..... Damn I'd be the most active person alive!!!! I'd also wear out before i finish studying everything.
My whole life I knew what I wanted, how to get it. In the words from 21, I dazzled! I dazzled everyone. I was the person people knew would make it. Make it big, prove everyone's stereotype wrong. I would make it. But how can I fucking make it when I can barley make up my mind on the college I want to be in, let alone the degree, or even the continent I want to be on! How can I make it when I don't want to be either there or here. I want the london life, but with my friends from back home. I want my parents to live in the city right by me, so I have them when I want, and still keep my freedom. I want to eventually be an expert in finance and accounting, that I would lead any business exploding towards the sky. I want to have a background in law. so the doctor thing was just a thought, and so was the journalism. Actually, the philanthropist wasn't a lie, I was gonna study that in SOAS, only they called it developmental studies. Haha, i'm telling you, i'm all over the place. And on top of that i'm venturing off topic so much, I actually forgot what I was worried about to begin with. Oh yes, of course, LS fucking E!
So my high school econ teacher writes my recommendation for my UCAS application, so its not the best recommendation ever, but its not bad either. I put my heart into writing an outstanding personal statement. Then LSE asks for a recommendation from one of my college tutors. Of course, I don't know any of their names so I highly doubt any of them even know mine. On top of that, I only had one tutor the first term and every class was a group presentation, which meant, I never had the chance to show off my uncanny annoying I have a comment about everything skill that makes teachers honestly believe I have an academic side to me. So without my backup 'pretend' brightness, without previous experience to how resourceful I am, and with no history of just what I am capable of, my MN100 teacher wrote me a recommendation.
I know im not being modest when I say, I think the two weeks of pestering him and the constant demands I made of my tutor paid off as he wrote me a short but delightful recommendation. I know in my heart what he said about me was spot on, but I must wonder if he knows it too. I did brainwash him with my recommendations from my high school days, my narcissist personal statement, self-absorbed cv, and ranting about my bloody confidence. So what, I am confident, just because he doesn't know me well doesn't mean I'll let that drag my application down, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do! right?? but i must admit, chapeau to the excellent tutor, who gave me what I needed, if LSE accepts me, then i owe him one. If not, I still owe him for trying. The poor man must have slain to try and find something nice to say about me, after all, all I do is give him heat.
I think this may be the first post where I reveal parts of my personal life, anyone who knows me well and reads this will instantly know it is me. Let's hope it stays hidden like the rest of my blog from the rapidity of the internet. While I did want my other articles to be read, this privacy may just as well work for me.
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